


Almost

by cerasis



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Death Mention, Itachi misses Shisui...always and till the end of times, M/M, canon angst, lots of implied regret., lowkey pain and no comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 07:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16888203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerasis/pseuds/cerasis
Summary: One random evening among countless others where Itachi thinks back to Shisui, small moments from their life and his thoughts and feelings in regards of it.





	Almost

Nothing really fill the hole Shisui had left behind.

Itachi thought that working hard, sacrificing everything and leaving any trace of normality he had ever had the luxury to own would somehow help—it doesn’t.

Nothing manages to fill the gaps, glue the cracks, add light to darkness the way Shisui did.

On his darkest days, he thinks he should have died in Shisui’s stead. 

It’s a mistake for him to be alive. He could never save his clan, nor his brother, nor his….

_Almost lover_ , Itachi reflects bitterly.

It is what they were.

Almost, always almost.

Almost family, almost closest friends, almost lovers.

His eyes are heavy and his breath is ragged, the flavor of metal is permanent on his tongue as of late. 

He still remembers the flavor of Shisui’s lips, that one summer before everything had ended, when he thought Shisui had actually almost drowned and rushed to breath life into his unmoving friend.

He still remembers Shisui’s bright and wild laughter.

“I’ve got you” he said that day, laughing as he pinned him down, looking playful and young, unburdened. “Don’t let your guard down like this, Ita-chi” he was grinning at his name and shining, brightness that masked all the burden he had to carry along the way.

Almost.

He didn’t have the tact or courage to question Shisui that day. 

Why did he let their lips press for so long? 

Itachi knew why, he didn’t dare to confirm.

It was always not the right time, too early, too late—never the time.

Somehow, he believed that after it was all over, if they managed to resolve the impossible situation they were caught it then… then he would, he’d say everything, he’d share all—they would sit in the woods after sparring and he’d pour his heart out.

He didn’t think it’ll be over before he could even choose the words.

For some reason, It’s Shisui who goes first, unfairly, illogically, it’s him who dies first.

Leaving Itachi alone.

Alone with the world crumbling around him.

The one thing he would never know the answer for, and what would eat him from inside out till his very death is—would Shisui understand?

Would he look at his actions, sigh heavily and tell him he had no choice.

Or… would he look disgusted and take his companionship and love back.

Itachi’s self-hatred is big enough to think it’s the second—his heart says otherwise.

Shisui always understood, he was the one person who truly looked into him and knew all the small rooms of his mind, knew why and how, knew and accepted even when he didn’t understand—he was the one person who truly accepted him for the person he was.

Itachi misses him, dearly, in a way that is almost illogical.

Connecting one person to safety is illogical, it’s insane.

Yet he did.

Shisui was his safe heaven.

Coughing blood and looking at it, he thinks, that if there’s one thing he wants from life, is die and come to the same place Shisui is at.

He did everything he could, flawed and horrible as he was at his life, at his ambitions—he gave it all, he sacrificed it all. 

And if there’s simply one thing he could ask for.

It’s Shisui.

Thinking that it might not be ‘too late’ yet, sometimes brings a small long forgotten smile onto his lips. 

He can imagine the punch he would get, the hug, the scolding, the laughter.

Shisui.

He falls asleep half curled, a drop of blood down his chin and his lungs burning pain.

He dreams of nothing but ravens.

_Shisui._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm tipsy after work & I was thinking of shisuita all day long and it's the result, it's not proofed and generally just thoughts floating around thrown together, not meant to be anything more than what it is :)
> 
> I'm open for recs for those two though, I'm better the more interested I am at the idea -shrugs-


End file.
